Birthday

My birthday was a couple days ago, and I wanted to make a video on the day. To keep my thoughts straight I read something to read for it....which is below. The video is here, if anyone wants to see it.

... ... ...

I used to think that my birthdays would never bother me, that I would grow older without being phased by the passing time. And on one hand that's so: I delight in each new white hair I find on my head, enjoying the contrast they make against the dark hair I was born with. But although my age doesn't bother me, I've found that each year around my birthday I wonder what I've done with my life. It's so easy to focus on what I feel are my failures, so perhaps I should take a moment to think about what I've accomplished.

I'm fairly decent at writing, although I haven't been doing much of it lately. Worth mentioning though, in 2009 one of my poems was published in the magazine Cricket.

I'm told that I'm great at photography. And if I may say so myself, I am pretty good at it.

I'm talented at a variety of hand crafts, such as: needlework, spinning yarn, crochet...and more, but I don't feel like listing everything I can do.

I've competed internationally with the Sweet Adeline's chorus Pride of Portland, and in 2009 we took ninth place at internationals in Hawaii.

I'm very close to completing my English degree at Marylhurst University. I spend a lot of time worrying about what a barrier anxiety and depression are in completing my degree, since I'm very aware that I should have graduated by now. But I should probably also remember that it's taken a lot of work to get where I am now.

And, I've always managed to work my way through anxiety and depression. I still struggle, and I'm sure I'll always have my ups and downs, but to have gotten past the really tough times in the past is something.

So maybe, maybe next year, I'll be able to think about all this and my other accomplishments rather than scrutinizing what I haven't succeeded in yet.

A photo of stairs that I took on my birthday

Agoraphobia

You might think that, given my weekend adventures to Astoria for the Goonies festival, I'm perfectly comfortable getting out and about. And if I'm with a friend, I pretty much am, even if I find myself anxious about it ahead of time. Sure, I may also have moments of "Hey, I'm so far away from home. Um..." But I just remind myself of who I'm with, and it passes.

Getting out and about by myself, though, is a different story.

I normally keep it to myself, because that's just how I am mostly. But I guess I need to talk about it more, particularly to Murray. We joke that he's a bad influence because of things like him exposing me to beer, but he's also a good influence in many ways. He's particularly good to have around when I need to talk about my anxieties.

Last evening I told him that I didn't want to go to a song circle I'd been looking forward to, and that I wasn't sure if I simply wasn't in the mood or if it was agoraphobia. If the first, staying home was fine. If the latter, I needed to go. He told me to go, and I decided to listen to him. I'm glad I did, because once I got there I enjoyed myself. And, I need music, it's something that's been missing in my life far too long. (If musical teenage me could see me now she'd be shocked into silence.)

Guitar

Then today, I told Murray that I was too nervous about walking to a salon place just blocks away to get my eyebrows waxed. Yes, my anxieties prevent me from walking just a few blocks from where I live. (Don't ask how I'll manage getting myself to school this summer term, I don't know.) But again, with his encouragement, I walked to the salon.

I guess I just need him, or someone else, to tell me to go do something to get past the agoraphobia. It still isn't easy, and can leave me feeling shaky, but I can do it. Or at least, I could in these two cases.

As to what I'm afraid of that makes it difficult for me to go out alone...that's difficult to explain, especially when I try to deny it even to myself. I may be able to write about at another time, but not today.

Whatever it is that I'm afraid of, I'm glad that I finally know that something (or rather, someone) can help me face it.

Getting My Singing Fix

I suppose the last time I sang with a group was in the school choir, back when I was a music major. That was maybe four years ago. Since then I've missed it, and have been saying that I'll rejoin a chorus again. Someday. Eventually. Once I'm out of school.

...but really, why does it have to wait? Where did I get the idea in my head that I have to put some of my passions on hold?

Last evening I went to a song circle. I don't know that it qualifies as a chorus, it isn't learning music for an eventual performance...it's just people having fun singing together.

Everyone receives handouts with song lyrics in them, then we go around the group and everyone (or as many as we have time for) gets to choose a song and lead it. If they want. There's also the option to have someone else lead our chosen song or to pass entirely. Some people also brought their instruments, and I was beyond delighted to see someone with a twelve string guitar. Those are awesome.

It was all older songs, attracting an older crowd. I felt a bit out of place until I saw a couple other people about my own age. Then I could have laughed when one of the white haired women sitting next to me asked if there were any songs in the handouts that are popular these days, and I found myself explaining that I mostly don't know what's popular these days. Yeah...I guess I'm a bit weird with music.

I had a good time, realized just how much I've missed singing with others, thoroughly enjoyed myself, and remembered how easy it is for me to fake it when I don't know the song. If you can guess where the tune is likely to go, it's sometimes possible to sing along even when you're completely unfamiliar with a song. Or, I sometimes can, anyways.

I've also been realizing lately that...not sure how to really explain it, but I've been holding my voice in for a few years when I sing. Not really singing at my full potential, or what I can really do. Singing in a group provides a safe place to really relax and just sing, since I'm one of quite a few in there. I hope that makes sense, I'm not sure if I explained it well.

It was a good time, and I plan to return. Someday I'll join up again with a chorus where we learn songs with the aim of a performance (yes, I know there's that "someday" again...), but for now I'm happy to have found a place that I can sing with others.

Oldies Music Picture

The Four Things Thing

I decided to do the Four Things Thing tag I found on YouTube. My thinking is that it might be fun to do something a bit different on this blog.

Four Jobs I’ve held:
1) Office assistant
2) RFID tagger for libraries
3) Doing a bit of everything in a fast food place
4) Janitor

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:
1) Fury
2) Day of the Doctor
3) Aliens
4) Pride and Prejudice (BBC)

Four books I’d recommend:
1) The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
2) Books set in the world of Tortall by Tamora Pierce
3) The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher
4) Bone by Jeff Smith

Since it is impossible for me to narrow it down to just four books, I'm recommending my all time favorite novel plus three brilliant book series.

Four places I’ve been, compass points edition: 
1) Baton Rogue, Louisiana  (I was born there but don't remember it)
2) Victoria, Canada
3) The John Day Fossil Beds in Eastern Oregon
4) The redwood forests in California

Painted Hills, part of John Day, photo I took

Four things I don’t eat: 
1) Spam
2) Rocks
3) Cat food
4) Water (I drink water)
 
Four TV shows I watched: 
1) Doctor Who
2) Babylon 5
3) Star Trek
4) Battle Star Galactica, the remake

I'm still working my way through #1, own and have watched all of #2 (minus one movie attached to the series), and have gotten distracted from the last two though they're fun.

Four things I’m looking forward to this year:
1) Spending another year with my boyfriend
2) Reading more books
3) The results of learning how to communicate better
4) Learning how to relax

Four things I’m saying: 
1) Pepperoni pizza with mushrooms is delicious
2) Walking barefoot on the grass is awesome
3) Reading is excellent
4) Listening to David Gilmour is surprisingly relaxing

I discovered this last bit when my boyfriend sent me a link to the following clip this evening.



Four adjectives you’d use to describe the ocean:
1) Beautiful
2) Turbulent
3) Peaceful
4) Mysterious

Four flavors you like:
1) Chocolate
2) Chocolate
3) Chocolate
4) Chocolate

Four times of day you’re on online:

There's no real particular time set aside. Just, whenever I feel like it if I'm able to.

Four things you want to do better tomorrow:
1) Have more patience
2) Relax (as in, don't carry so much tension)
3) Enjoy the day
4) Focus

Letter From the Past

Have you ever written a letter to your future self? I've written one. Or, I thought I wrote only one. I went looking for it as something to write about here, and instead found another one that I wrote to be opened in 2012. I'd completely forgotten this second one. Here it is, with a bit of editing, due to a) personal stuff, and b) clarifying details that wouldn't be obvious to readers here.

While I'll mostly reserve my comments for after the letter, I want to mention PoP before hand so that you'll know what I'm talking about in just one read through. Pride of Portland (PoP) is a barbershop chorus that's part of Sweet Adelines International. The short explanation is that it's a group of women spread out over the globe who love to sing barbershop, wear too much makeup, wear lots of sequins, and hold musical competitions every year. My first international competition with PoP was in Vegas, and my second (and last) one was in Hawaii. I found that Hawaii agreed with me much more than Vegas, though I was too focused on the competition to really get to enjoy the place properly.

November 24th, 2007

I'm 18 years old as I write this.

I'm currently taking Poetry and Math 60 at Portland Community College. By the time I read this I hope to be working in a library, and possibly making plans to major in English at a 4 year college. I've not even begun to think about which one I want to go to yet.

I went to my first poetry reading today! It was at [I'm keeping this private], and I read my poem "He Fought His Heart" for the group. I plan to continue going to that group.

Working on music for PoP is a challenge, but hopefully I'll get better at it, and am already making progress on it becoming easier. Last year in Vegas we took 14th, and next year we go to Hawaii! I'm excited.

I'm thinking that I just might get some of my poems published. But it'll be a while before I try to go about it, I think.

I wonder -- might I be married, with kids, when I read this? Or will I still be single? Currently I've never been on a date, and never been kissed.

To date I only have one poem memorized -- Ogden Nash's "The Turtle," or I think that's the title. Anyways, I think my future self will know what my current self is talking about. :)

Well, I might add some more later, but that's it for now! 

See ya!

Sarita :P

"See ya!"

...and the above letter is exactly why I have trouble making long term plans these days. Give it a few years, or less, and my plans evolve into something else.

At the time that I wrote this letter I was pretty intimidated at the thought of going to a university. It seemed like a huge commitment (which yeah, it is) and I wasn't sure whether it was for me. So my idea around this time was to maybe get a two year degree that would aid me in getting a library job, then maybe think about going to a university. And of course I was thinking an English degree since that's what I was taking every term at Portland Community College. May as well stick with what I was already nuts about.

I'm certainly not complaining about my decision to pursue an English degree before getting settled in my own place, as I believe was assumed though not stated in the letter. But it's an example of how a long term plan I have one year isn't what I want the next year. Another example is when I picked out my Music Therapy degree, then eventually realized that it was a bad idea. I guess I just don't know for sure what I really want, career wise, though something in a library still sounds awesome.

As for poetry, Fall 2007 was the term I got really into writing poems. It all started when I turned a dream into a haiku immediately after waking up one morning, or maybe I started writing the poem in my dream. Whichever way, that opened the floodgates, and I wrote a lot of poetry until my inspiration more or less dried up. Some of my poems were good, most of them not. One was good enough to get published in the magazine Cricket less than two years after the above letter, which I was beyond excited about since it was my favorite magazine at the time. The poem mentioned in the letter is still unpublished, however, and revisiting it recently I could see that it needs some TLC.

Oh yeah, and "The Turtle"....shame on younger me for not knowing the name for certain. Come on, how difficult could it have been to remember the two word name if I memorized the poem itself?

I'm still unmarried and there are no plans for kids, but I'm definitely not single and am lucky enough to be very much in love with an amazing man. ♡

Have you ever written a letter to yourself? Future or past? What did you put in your letter?

Sabine and Samhain

My emotions have been pretty mixed today.

First of all, Sabine. I managed to get a vet appointment for her today to help me determine if it was time to help her on her way. I'd already begun to resign myself to it last night, but wanted to see what my vet said first. After finding out that her condition was worse than I had realized (for example, a bizarre heartbeat) I decided it was time.

Putting down a rat is different from how a cat is put down. It's easy to find a vein on a cat, but rats are too small. So they put Sabine under with gas, first in a chamber and then fit a mask over her head. Once she was asleep they put an injection straight into her heart. It took a bit for her to fall asleep, but she went really quickly after the injection.

I'll get her ashes in a few weeks.

Despite my morning, the day wasn't all bad. I spent it with my boyfriend, who has a knack for making me feel better. He took me out for beer and pizza, and we cuddled while watching movies together. We also celebrated our three year anniversary, which was really last weekend but we'd decided to combine it with Samhain this year.

As for Samhain, I haven't done much for that so far today. I guess I've been too busy thinking about Sabine. But I have listened to a couple Samhain songs in the last couple days, including this one by Heather Alexander.

Horror Conventions

Last weekend was Zompire, a local undead film festival that I was able to attend the first evening of. Unlike the other horror events I've attended the focus was on zombies, not Lovecraft. But there was one thing that was the same as what I experienced before, which was the sense that I belonged there. That surprised me at the first horror convention I attended, and by now I've stopped thinking about it.

Now that I am thinking about it (and this may be me over analyzing things), that may be that sense of belonging that has really kept my interest in horror. Though I can't say really put my finger on why I feel like I belong there.

Over the weekend I found myself thinking, again, that it may be strange for me to like horror since I have an anxiety disorder. Most of my life I made a point of avoiding the genre because I expected horror to be horrifying. After all, it's called horror, right? But somehow, most of it doesn't bother me. I've found that I just need to listen to my gut if it's saying that a particular movie may be too much for me to handle.

Actually, thinking back, maybe I should have figured out that I might like horror from my experiences with haunted houses I went to when I was younger. In particular I remember laughing at a scene that involved a woman giving birth to an alien baby, because it was so ridiculous that it was funny, and afterwards a friend told me that people aren't supposed to laugh at a haunted house. Um, sorry, I just found it laughable. So I laughed.

Although I didn't really have a plan when sitting down to write, I did want share a song I discovered at CthulhuCon in April. I realize this is rather after the fact, and I had intended to write about it in April, but was too busy with homework and migraines and stress. This, and other songs that the group performs, are a retelling of a Lovecraft story. Unfortunately I can't remember which one and I haven't yet made a point of reading it. Yes, I know, bad of me if I really like the music...in my defense I've been a bit distracted.



I was lucky enough to see this performed live, and it was amazing. I was also surprised since it's not at all the usual music I enjoy. So I can't say why I like it, but I just do.

...And I'm realizing that I didn't have any particular place I was going with this post, and I hadn't even planned most of what I said above. I had also meant to avoid the subject of anxiety because I'm tired of writing about it on the blog, but since it's just part of my life I may as well acknowledge it.

And now I'm thinking,  maybe I should just sit down and start writing and see where it goes more often, rather than thinking that I need to have a plan? If I do that, I may blog more, which is what I want. Hmm...

So, this is my maybe sort of random post that isn't exactly the sort of thing I'd been wanting to write, but it feels so good to write that I'll go ahead and hit the "publish" button.

Studying

I wrote the something this afternoon, but didn't publish it for some reason. Here it is with minor editing.

... ... ...

This is just a minor distraction during studying, and I suppose it's also notes to remind me how best to focus enough to do homework. Though mainly it's just a small break.

Really, it's things to remind me how to cope with my ADHD, which I'm having to relearn how to manage. Turns out that being out of school for so long meant that I forgot how to handle it. *sigh* Maybe writing things down will help.

1) Frequent brief breaks. Like this one.

2) Music in the background. Something that you can listen to, maybe absentmindedly direct when you're busy thinking, but not something that will grab your attention. I find that Aaron Meyer and Bill Lamb's CDs work well for this.

[Note: You can listen to samples of the particular CD I had on here. Alas, it is no longer for sale. Why in the world did the two have to split...? :( ]

3) If you have ADHD, your mind is going to find distractions. So just plan for it and deal with it. (Unless you're hyper-focusing, but that's another topic.) You may as well give it something to focus on, in addition to whatever it is you're supposed to be doing (like homework). This can be anything from delicious coffee (yum) to an audiobook that you know inside and out and can just half listen to. I generally prefer to avoid using movies as my distraction since I'm a visual person and I don't want my eyes distracted, but that can also work for some people.

Actually, I guess #2 covers #3, since it is a distraction. Or is it the other way around?

I could come up with more ideas, but this is what I'm working from at the moment and anyways I'm keeping this break under five minutes.

Birthday Loot

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey

Let's see, what did I get for my birthday?

First of all, I got the new iPhone 5S. In silver. I'm not sure exactly what advantages it has over the old designs, although this one does have the definite advantage over my old one in that it has twice the memory. I'd been getting tired of having to delete things in order to get new music from iTunes.

There's also an iPhone case I still haven't received yet, but which is coming. (By the time I requested it there wasn't time for it to arrive before my birthday. Oh well...) It was pretty water colors and says "wibbly wobbly timey wimey!" And it's cute. :)

Tall One got me my own sonic screwdriver. I suppose it isn't a real one, since human technology isn't up to Doctor Who's standards, but it goes on my key chain and it doubles as a tiny flashlight. Which is pretty neat.

Oh yes, and the kukri. My boyfriend got me a kukri. Which I like.

Last, I bought some new Heather Dale music as a present to myself, and I have got to share one of the songs. I couldn't find the exact recording on YouTube, so instead here is a live performance.



I'm almost in love with the sweet colleen of the nut brown hair after hearing this song.

Imbolc

Today is Imbolc, or Brighid's day. I haven't done much, other than experimenting with new ways to cook bacon and cuddling my boyfriend. No, not at the same time. Not sure how well cuddling and cooking would work if you tried them both at once...

I do want to share a song, though. It's the same one I shared last Imbolc, but it's worth repeating.



And now that Imbolc is here, it looks like the local weather is going to get colder. So much for the winter weather being past, as I'd thought it was. I'm just going to say that if it snows, I want an actual snowfall, not just the little bit that normally happens when people panic over snow in Portland.

Snow in Portland

Ah, snow. That wonderful white fluffy stuff that wrecks havoc in Portland almost every winter.

It's pretty easy to tell who's local and who isn't when the white stuff appears. The locals freak out, start canceling plans, and ask how our lives can continue while it lasts. Those from out of state hurt their sides from laughing and point out that it's not even a whole inch of snow on the ground.

The problem is, we don't know how to drive in snow. I've even seen a bus driver pushing down on the gas pedal to get traction while stuck, and I'm pretty sure they're supposed to know better than that. After all, bus drivers drive for a living.

Disclaimer: I have yet to drive in snow. In theory I know what to do, but I don't know how well that would translate into practice. In a way I'm glad to be taking the bus to work regularly.

We had our first snow Thursday night, and it was a very dry snow that was lovely. Yeah, my hands were freezing while I waited at the bus stop Friday morning, but I mostly didn't care since I was watching at how the snow blew around in the street. I'd heard about that, but I didn't know it could really happen! :)

There's supposed to be more snow tomorrow. It remains to be seen how much trouble it'll cause this time, in a state where we don't know what to do about snow.

In the meantime, enjoy a song. It's Let it Snow, Star Trek style. I kept thinking about it last Friday.

Embarrassing songs and Whispersync

Last evening I was talking about how to share music and (what really interested me) audiobooks through iTunes with my brother. This came up because I wanted to read Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins and found out that Tall One has the audiobook through iTunes on his iPhone.

Ok, so we sort of like iThingies in this family.

While discussing whether I could get the audiobook from Tall One in a way that doesn't involve stealing borrowing his iPhone, we both wound up pausing to try to remember if we have any embarrassing music that might be revealed through sharing. After a moment of thought, I said that I think the only embarrassing song I have is The Vegetables, which is one I know he already has. Because, Hank Green. Mom was unfamiliar with this song so we played it for her, and then I figured I may as well share it here as well. Because...well, no real because. Other than maybe Hank Green, again. Let's just say that that's a good enough reason.



After determining that the only way for me to listen to my brother's copy of the audiobook would be for me to steal his iPhone, and after an offer from my mom to let me borrow her iPad so that I can read her (actually, dad's) Kindle copy of it, I decided to just buy my own Kindle copy to read on my iPhone. (Writing this post, I realize that there may be too many iThingy devices in this household.) That is when I discovered Whispersync.

With Whispersync you can buy a Kindle book, and then get the Audible copy of it at a serious discount. Then, to make it even better, Kindle and Audible can sync the book and audiobook versions for you to easily switch between reading and listening.

I've been wishing for a while that something like this existed, and I may have gotten a little overexcited when I discovered it. Or maybe a lot overexcited. Um, I actually dreamed about Whispersync last night. Does that tell you how happy I am?

Happy enough to take a break from listening to Catching Fire to write about how I found Whispersync.

Now back to my book. Which, by the way, has already made me cry once. You know a book's good when that happen.

BARBERSHOP MUSIC!!!

Some people think that Barbershop music is old fashioned, something that those old people do, or as  a bit eccentric. Ok, so maybe the last one is true. Ok, maybe I should change that last one to Barbershop being a lot eccentric, and then it'd be true. But hey, eccentric can be fun.

I haven't done Barbershop music in a few years, but in talking music with someone today I found myself trying to explain that it is fun. I eventually said I'd find some good YouTubes of Barbershop music, which I'd like to share here. Because, why not?



It turns out that I made this playlist a few years ago and then forgot about it. This evening I pared it down to the best, and I think it's a pretty good introduction to Barbershop.

Dang I'd forgotten how much I love the music...I'll probably be finding more excellent music to add to this playlist. It really needs more than a mere seven videos.

Samhain Eve

I had a wonderful idea for a blog post this morning...but I forgot it. Lousy memory. I know it was a good idea too. Dangit.

So instead, this Samhain eve I will be sharing the song Samhain Eve by Damh the Bard. Good timing, don't you think?



Funny thing, this is the song that introduced me to Damh the Bard, and I found it while looking for songs about winter solstice. Not sure how that happened.

I find that I don't understand everything in the Bard's songs, for example here I'm still trying to figure out who the Raven Witch is. (If anyone does know, feel free to tell me!) But I do enjoy his music. A lot. :)

Getting the wrong idea

It always puzzled me that some people might not know their sexual orientation. After all, it's such a core part of who and what we are. Why does it take some people a while to figure things out?

I've continued to ponder this question since coming out as bi to myself in early 2012. In some ways I feel like I still don't understand why it takes some people a while to figure things out, but at the same time I think I've finally figured out that cultural norms are a part of it.

We're taught from a young age that people are straight. Or if they aren't straight, they're gay. Either way, monosexual. So if a girl is very clearly into guys (as I definitely was), there's no way she can also be into girls. Right?

In pondering the question how can we not know?? I keep coming back to a particular memory from my time singing in a choir. I'm not going to say this is the one event that made me take so darned long to figure out I'm bi. I won't even say that the adult involved is a bad person for it, though she was certainly clueless. (As are so many.) But it's one example of the monosexual norm being pushed on a bisexual, which is far too common, and which makes for a lot of confusion in so many bisexuals while we're figuring out what the heck we are.

I've sung in a few choirs, and this particular one was a homeschool family choir during my teens. At various times my mom and/or brother also sang in it, though I don't remember if either of them were in it when this happened. They probably were unaware of this incident. And if they did know, they'll have forgotten it. It was really minor, on the surface.

We were singing a song called Grandma's Feather Bed, and there was a brief spoken solo. I'll put the some of the lyrics here, with the solo I wanted in italics.

But if I ever had to make a choice,
I guess it ought-a be said
that I'd trade 'em all
plus the gal down the road
for Grandma's feather bed.
I'd trade 'em all plus the gal down the road...

Now maybe I should think twice 
'bout the gal down the road.

I thought the spoken solo was seriously amusing, and requested that I have it. The director refused to consider giving it to me, simply because "We don't want people getting the wrong idea about you."

I've tried for many other solos that were given to others. This is the only one that stands out in my memory.

The sad thing is that while making an effort to ensure that other people wouldn't get the wrong idea about me, the director herself had the wrong idea about me. And, because of having the wrong idea about me, she pushed monosexuality (and specifically heterosexuality) on someone who was really bi. And in the process, she may have created more confusion where there was plenty enough confusion already.

Again, I won't say that this single event is what made me insist I was straight for so long. But it's one example of our society assuming everyone is monosexual, which is a problematic tendency.

On a more lighthearted note, here's the song in question. The brief spoken solo I wanted is missing from this rendition, so I guess it was just a quirk added in to the arrangement that the choir director got hold of.

Samhain

I'm not in the mood to write much today, but I do want to share a song that I've been saving to share this month.

A Samhain song by Heather Alexander.



There is at least one more Samhain song to follow later this month.

For those who are unfamiliar with this Pagan holiday, it's a time when the veil between this world and the other is thin. Therefore one might say that it is a time of great spookiness, and it's also a time to honor the dead. And although I don't often think of it, judging from this song it is also a celebration of finally finishing up the harvest.

Singing Demolition Derby

Recently I've gotten into the habit of listening to music while driving. Specifically, Hank Green's music. I didn't think anything much about this, until last week I suddenly realized one of the songs in the playlist: Demolition Derby.

I'm not sure if I should be concerned about the fact that I've been singing along with a song that's about drivers intentionally smashing their cars up. Especially since I'm singing it while driving down the road myself. I mean, shouldn't I be singing about safe driving, not about totaling cars?

Then again, a song about driving safely doesn't sound very exciting.

I've found two YouTubes of the song. If you only want to listen to one, I'd suggest the first since one because of the visuals.



...that being said, this second one is what's on the CD, and it's a much better recording.



Do you listen to music while driving? Audio books? Something else? Or do you drive in silence?

It All Makes Sense At The End

I doubt that I'll actually get a chance to write a proper post today, since I'll be spending most of the rest of the day at the hospital. Yeah, it looks like I'll spend mother's day with my grandma. Which might be only fair since mom was with her yesterday. I guess I'll write an actual update about grandma another time...probably tomorrow.

In the meantime, here's a song instead of an actual thought out nice piece of writing. It's my favorite one by the amazing Hank Green.



I spent pretty much all of yesterday with my boyfriend. I felt bad at first for not being with grandma, but eventually realized that I would have been worse than useless to her. I was so out of it (stress, I guess) that I had trouble talking sense to Murray when he picked me up. Luckily, he's good at making me feel better, and I am in a much better frame of mind now. I'm still tired (probably stress) but finally ok.

One of Us

I had a long (fun) weekend which, even on Monday evening, I'm still recovering from. It was that tiring. Though I guess that getting up early this morning, and drinking two cups of coffee, didn't help. Yeah, the caffeine didn't do much other than prevent me from napping when I needed it.

Even though I'm too tired to really write about my days at the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival (also known as Cthulhu Con) properly right now, I do want to share something on here. I don't like going several days without a blog post. So I decided to share one of Heather Dale's songs, and while I was wandering around YouTube trying to decide which one I made an amazing discovery: she's got a new CD out, and it finally finally FINALLY contains one of my favorite songs of hers. So, here it is!



If you like this, you may be very happy to learn that the album is free. That certainly made me very happy.

Beltane

Beltane. The day when people dance the May Pole and have fun sexy times. Basically, a giant fertility festival.

But I was also taught that it can be more than what immediate comes to mind when you hear the word "fertility." That it can also mean abundance. Or, that it's a good time to celebrate having the means to support yourself comfortably...or that it's a good time to do some work to get to where you have enough to live quite comfortably.

Hmm, not sure if that makes sense...?

Anyways, because I just have to, here is a song. I was trying to find a particular Omnia piece when I happened across this interesting band called Beltaine. I took an instant liking to them, and decided that they might be appropriate to share today given the day and their name.


In other news, I got a call today about a possible job. Interview is tomorrow. Wish me luck. :)