Birthday

My birthday was a couple days ago, and I wanted to make a video on the day. To keep my thoughts straight I read something to read for it....which is below. The video is here, if anyone wants to see it.

... ... ...

I used to think that my birthdays would never bother me, that I would grow older without being phased by the passing time. And on one hand that's so: I delight in each new white hair I find on my head, enjoying the contrast they make against the dark hair I was born with. But although my age doesn't bother me, I've found that each year around my birthday I wonder what I've done with my life. It's so easy to focus on what I feel are my failures, so perhaps I should take a moment to think about what I've accomplished.

I'm fairly decent at writing, although I haven't been doing much of it lately. Worth mentioning though, in 2009 one of my poems was published in the magazine Cricket.

I'm told that I'm great at photography. And if I may say so myself, I am pretty good at it.

I'm talented at a variety of hand crafts, such as: needlework, spinning yarn, crochet...and more, but I don't feel like listing everything I can do.

I've competed internationally with the Sweet Adeline's chorus Pride of Portland, and in 2009 we took ninth place at internationals in Hawaii.

I'm very close to completing my English degree at Marylhurst University. I spend a lot of time worrying about what a barrier anxiety and depression are in completing my degree, since I'm very aware that I should have graduated by now. But I should probably also remember that it's taken a lot of work to get where I am now.

And, I've always managed to work my way through anxiety and depression. I still struggle, and I'm sure I'll always have my ups and downs, but to have gotten past the really tough times in the past is something.

So maybe, maybe next year, I'll be able to think about all this and my other accomplishments rather than scrutinizing what I haven't succeeded in yet.

A photo of stairs that I took on my birthday

Getting My Singing Fix

I suppose the last time I sang with a group was in the school choir, back when I was a music major. That was maybe four years ago. Since then I've missed it, and have been saying that I'll rejoin a chorus again. Someday. Eventually. Once I'm out of school.

...but really, why does it have to wait? Where did I get the idea in my head that I have to put some of my passions on hold?

Last evening I went to a song circle. I don't know that it qualifies as a chorus, it isn't learning music for an eventual performance...it's just people having fun singing together.

Everyone receives handouts with song lyrics in them, then we go around the group and everyone (or as many as we have time for) gets to choose a song and lead it. If they want. There's also the option to have someone else lead our chosen song or to pass entirely. Some people also brought their instruments, and I was beyond delighted to see someone with a twelve string guitar. Those are awesome.

It was all older songs, attracting an older crowd. I felt a bit out of place until I saw a couple other people about my own age. Then I could have laughed when one of the white haired women sitting next to me asked if there were any songs in the handouts that are popular these days, and I found myself explaining that I mostly don't know what's popular these days. Yeah...I guess I'm a bit weird with music.

I had a good time, realized just how much I've missed singing with others, thoroughly enjoyed myself, and remembered how easy it is for me to fake it when I don't know the song. If you can guess where the tune is likely to go, it's sometimes possible to sing along even when you're completely unfamiliar with a song. Or, I sometimes can, anyways.

I've also been realizing lately that...not sure how to really explain it, but I've been holding my voice in for a few years when I sing. Not really singing at my full potential, or what I can really do. Singing in a group provides a safe place to really relax and just sing, since I'm one of quite a few in there. I hope that makes sense, I'm not sure if I explained it well.

It was a good time, and I plan to return. Someday I'll join up again with a chorus where we learn songs with the aim of a performance (yes, I know there's that "someday" again...), but for now I'm happy to have found a place that I can sing with others.

Oldies Music Picture