Reflections...sort of

As of last night I have finished my first term back to school. On one hand I want to just relax, but on the other hand I'd planned to write a "first term back to school: vanquished!" post, in which I reflect on returning to school. So I'm doing the latter, and will probably then watch Doctor Who. Or maybe finally finish reading that new Dresden Files book that I can't believe I still haven't completed.

Funny thing is, I'd expected that I would get back into blogging once I returned to school. Writing would be on my mind anyways, since I chose a writing intensive school and, oh yeah, I was taking three English classes. (I may be slightly nuts.) Obviously, my blogging plans didn't work out as expected. I could blame it on my month long migraine, which I think would be a legit excuse, but I may have been too focused on school anyways.

Oh yes, and that migraine I mentioned? Not the most painful ever, but not mild either. I'm pretty sure it was brought on by stress, probably something to do with relearning the whole school thing, and possibly also to do with the fact that this is the first term I've completed without ADHD meds since I was...probably eighteen. So I'm going to say that this was something of an accomplishment.

And, although I'm still waiting on two of my final grades, I can already tell you that my grades are up from when I left. I'm a bit baffled, but I won't complain.

What have I learned from this last term? Probably that I need to relax and not worry so much, because I can in fact still make decent grades. And not just decent grades, great grades this time around.

Book pages

Mom's MBA Hooding

After two years (two years?) of attending school while continuing to work full time in a demanding job, my mom has just graduated from grad school with her MBA.

Zipper pull thingy on the gown

She isn't going to commencement, which is tomorrow, but we did attend the hooding this evening. Hooding, for those who don't know (I didn't until this evening) consists of placing the "hood" around the neck of a newly graduated grad student. The hood is basically a circular thing with both the school colors, and the color that has been assigned to the particular degree. In the case of an MBA student, it's drab.

Cap tassel

The ceremony was fairly simple, though it took a while since there were about 70 MBA students graduating. Acknowledgement was given to the professors, there were a couple of speakers, and then the actual hooding. After a final word from the Dean of the School of Business, everyone was allowed to go. I think most took advantage of free food at the reception, but mom, Tall One, and I left to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant.

The stage

Just a brief note about dad, since I guess anyone paying close attention will notice that I didn't mention him above. He can't attend things like this because his disability means he can't get out of the house for very long, but I did send him a photo of mom being hooded during the event. I normally frown on texting when attending important things like this, but I thought that given circumstances it should be forgivable.

"I think I may be a little bi."

It turns out that I have written in 30 diaries over the years. Virtually all are full, with only 2 being abandoned halfway through. I knew it was a lot, but was still surprised at how many I've got when I counted them. Why did I count them? Oh, no reason. No, I wasn't trying to put off writing a final paper for school, why would you suggest such a thing?

I got quite a surprise when I glanced at the first entry of one of them. Reading it was a little like picking through an old abandoned box and finding a treasure that had been half forgotten, since it was a day I thought I hadn't written about. I was happy enough that I wanted to share the start to that diary here, and then realized that the timing conveniently lines up with Pride Month.

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January 4th, 2012 Wednesday 9:38pm

Today I picked up and read some of the book "The Journey Out: A Guide For and About Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Teens" by Rachel Pollack and Cheryl Schwartz. It has puzzled me how people sometimes don't just know their sexual orientation, and I hoped the book might help me understand.

It may have helped me understand a little too well.

I think I may be a little bi. I've pretty much always considered myself straight, but it is a fact that I have had crushes on two women in the past few years, and I've generally enjoyed looking at attractive women more than attractive men.

So, I guess I'm bi with a strong preference for men.

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Consider this a snapshot in the coming out process. And I do consider it the day I finally came out to myself. Because yeah, I'd sort of played around with that strange word "bisexual" before, but I think this was the first day that I finally tentatively called myself bi without immediately reverting back to saying some version of "but basically I'm straight."

In the past I've written several other posts on the topic of coming out to myself, I guess because I still puzzle over why it took me so darned long to get things straightened (or not) out. Maybe I always will.