"I think I may be a little bi."

It turns out that I have written in 30 diaries over the years. Virtually all are full, with only 2 being abandoned halfway through. I knew it was a lot, but was still surprised at how many I've got when I counted them. Why did I count them? Oh, no reason. No, I wasn't trying to put off writing a final paper for school, why would you suggest such a thing?

I got quite a surprise when I glanced at the first entry of one of them. Reading it was a little like picking through an old abandoned box and finding a treasure that had been half forgotten, since it was a day I thought I hadn't written about. I was happy enough that I wanted to share the start to that diary here, and then realized that the timing conveniently lines up with Pride Month.

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January 4th, 2012 Wednesday 9:38pm

Today I picked up and read some of the book "The Journey Out: A Guide For and About Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Teens" by Rachel Pollack and Cheryl Schwartz. It has puzzled me how people sometimes don't just know their sexual orientation, and I hoped the book might help me understand.

It may have helped me understand a little too well.

I think I may be a little bi. I've pretty much always considered myself straight, but it is a fact that I have had crushes on two women in the past few years, and I've generally enjoyed looking at attractive women more than attractive men.

So, I guess I'm bi with a strong preference for men.

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Consider this a snapshot in the coming out process. And I do consider it the day I finally came out to myself. Because yeah, I'd sort of played around with that strange word "bisexual" before, but I think this was the first day that I finally tentatively called myself bi without immediately reverting back to saying some version of "but basically I'm straight."

In the past I've written several other posts on the topic of coming out to myself, I guess because I still puzzle over why it took me so darned long to get things straightened (or not) out. Maybe I always will.

Lunar Eclipse

Remember that I took photos of the lunar eclipse last month, but due to technical problems didn't share any? Well, here they are. Finally.

There are a lot of them. Without providing commentary on each and every single one...

 The moon started going behind a tree...I had to move the tripod. Multiple times.

 

This was an oops...but a pretty oops. And I'm sure the plant appreciated having its photo taken.

It's amazing how, even during totality, you can still see the moon.

I couldn't get a good clear photo of the moon after it started coming back. There were two problems: trees in the way, and some light clouds blew in.

Now that I've figured out how to get photos from my digital camera to my computer, it's just about set for me to take it on a field trip adventure for school. Nope, not saying what, though I'm sure there will be photos eventually. :)

Studying

I wrote the something this afternoon, but didn't publish it for some reason. Here it is with minor editing.

... ... ...

This is just a minor distraction during studying, and I suppose it's also notes to remind me how best to focus enough to do homework. Though mainly it's just a small break.

Really, it's things to remind me how to cope with my ADHD, which I'm having to relearn how to manage. Turns out that being out of school for so long meant that I forgot how to handle it. *sigh* Maybe writing things down will help.

1) Frequent brief breaks. Like this one.

2) Music in the background. Something that you can listen to, maybe absentmindedly direct when you're busy thinking, but not something that will grab your attention. I find that Aaron Meyer and Bill Lamb's CDs work well for this.

[Note: You can listen to samples of the particular CD I had on here. Alas, it is no longer for sale. Why in the world did the two have to split...? :( ]

3) If you have ADHD, your mind is going to find distractions. So just plan for it and deal with it. (Unless you're hyper-focusing, but that's another topic.) You may as well give it something to focus on, in addition to whatever it is you're supposed to be doing (like homework). This can be anything from delicious coffee (yum) to an audiobook that you know inside and out and can just half listen to. I generally prefer to avoid using movies as my distraction since I'm a visual person and I don't want my eyes distracted, but that can also work for some people.

Actually, I guess #2 covers #3, since it is a distraction. Or is it the other way around?

I could come up with more ideas, but this is what I'm working from at the moment and anyways I'm keeping this break under five minutes.