The New Year

New Year's Resolutions:

1) Actually stick to exercising
2) Get myself closer to where I should be mental-health-wise
3) Graduate

...and I guess I'll stick to that for my official resolutions. I have other things I want to do, like make some money off my photography, get a real camera (my iPhone can only do so much), and knit a scarf (not loom knitting, but with knitting needles). But I'm so scatter brained right now (thanks, depression and anxiety) that I'll stick to three main goals.

I already got a start on exercise, and on a photography project. I've made an Instagram account separate from my Earth Worshipper Photography stuff, and plan to post a photo a day throughout the year as a way to document it. Maybe not an original idea, but I think it'll be fun.

Here's a photo (ok, two photos smashed together) of me exercising. I have this fascination with how windows turn into mirrors at night, and since our exercise bike is right next to a big window it was pretty natural for me to take photos.

Daily Goals

I've been thinking about the things I do, or don't do, and wondering how I can make myself happier. I guess it was the realization that I haven't outgrown my anxiety disorder as I'd thought I had that got me thinking. Once I was mostly past the panic attacks and started getting comfortable in my own head again that's when I really started asking myself questions. These questions led to this list being created.

The following are goals, not an absolute set in stone daily to do list. I won't always accomplish every one every day. But I can try.

1) Write. This can be blogging, homework, fiction, an essay, in my diary...a lot or a little, the idea is to write something, even when school doesn't require me to.

2) Read. Fiction, nonfiction, a book, a blog, homework, for fun...the idea is to read daily. This is food for my soul.

3) Comment online more. I'd say that more than half of the time that I start to write a comment online these days I get too shy and erase it. It hasn't always been like this, and I'd like to go back to where I was before.

4) Meditate and/or pray. For reasons I won't go into I had gotten away from my spiritual practices, and that's something I've regretted.

5) Go outdoors. This doesn't mean that I have to go very far outdoors, just that I should get out of the house and into fresh air a bit. Assuming that the weather isn't absolutely terrible.

6) Do something creative. This can be needlework, writing (so yeah, number one on this list can easily cover this), playing piano...just, something creative.

7) Be grateful for something. The smell of rain, a good book, talking to a friend...even if I'm not in a mood to really be grateful, at least take note of something good.

This is a list of things to do, not of things not to do. Putting down something to stop doing doesn't really have a place on this list, but this post about how to be happier also doesn't seem like it would really be complete without the following: I need to stop judging myself. I've realized that when I judge myself I also expect others to judge me, and this can lead me to hiding parts of myself. But I've also found that when I open up I can be pleasantly surprised.

Good things

After feeling rather depressed yesterday, and starting off today in pretty much the same mood, I wanted to make a list of things that made me feel good today. Some of them are pretty simple.

• Cooking bacon
• Finding more jobs than usual to apply for
• Reading Terminator: Judgment Day by Randall Frakes
• Fixing the ring I messed up earlier this week -- I took silver polish to it, and even though the engravings still need to be blackened it's wearable again!
• My boyfriend

And now, a photo I just happen to like. It intrigues me, and this makes it another good thing today. I found it a while ago when I was looking for flowery spring photos, and even though it's a spring it wasn't relevant to the season I was writing about.

If you take a good look you'll see that it also looks like a shrine, with some practical camping/hiking equipment close at hand and mugs for travelers to use. There's definitely a story behind this spring, and I want to know it.

Spring by Jana Illnerová

Things to get

While moving back in with my parents I created a mental list of things I want/need when I get my own place again. In no particular order, here it is. With the things I want and need mixed up together. You may guess which is which.

Of course, whether I can get some of these will depend on how big my paycheck is, and also on the size of my next apartment...

1) 12 inch pan to cook bacon
2) Dining room table
3) A third book case
4) Desktop computer (my netbook isn't cutting it)
5) A CAR
6) CD player that I can plug my iPhone into
7) Duster (I'm tired of using napkins)
8) Bigger bed?
9) Exercise bike

...and I think that's it.

I'll be getting the computer soon enough I think, though I'll need my brother's expert help in picking out a good one. And the car will have to wait until I've got more money, which will be sometime after my driving test in October.

ps. I must say, it's quite interesting to compare this list to my list of wants from a couple years ago.