Good things

After feeling rather depressed yesterday, and starting off today in pretty much the same mood, I wanted to make a list of things that made me feel good today. Some of them are pretty simple.

• Cooking bacon
• Finding more jobs than usual to apply for
• Reading Terminator: Judgment Day by Randall Frakes
• Fixing the ring I messed up earlier this week -- I took silver polish to it, and even though the engravings still need to be blackened it's wearable again!
• My boyfriend

And now, a photo I just happen to like. It intrigues me, and this makes it another good thing today. I found it a while ago when I was looking for flowery spring photos, and even though it's a spring it wasn't relevant to the season I was writing about.

If you take a good look you'll see that it also looks like a shrine, with some practical camping/hiking equipment close at hand and mugs for travelers to use. There's definitely a story behind this spring, and I want to know it.

Spring by Jana Illnerová

Grief

I'm not sure how to cope with my grandma being in hospice.

I'll think I'm doing fine, then suddenly realized that I'm completely out of it. Maybe I have no clue what day of the week it is, or else I've overlooked important details that would normally be high priority. And yeah, I would occasionally get confused about the days of the week before all this...but not like how I'm screwing it up now.

This really throws me since I was never close to my grandma. I don't know if I'm mourning her, or if I'm mourning what I never had with her.

How am I supposed to cope when I don't know what it really is that I'm mourning?

Also, I seem to be transferring my grief/frustration/anger/I-don't-know-what to other things in my life. For example, my favorite ring.

My favorite ring was messed up big time yesterday when I exposed it to bleach. I hadn't realized what the consequences would be, and...well, I didn't take it well. I would have been upset at the best of times, because it's been my favorite piece of jewelry for so long, and I am really attached to it. But my reaction was a bit out of proportion to the damage done.

Luckily, I realized I was overreacting. Even as I was on the verge of tears I was able to tell myself that the situation with grandma was probably making me blow it out of proportion. Also, I realized that maybe I was trying to fix something that could be fixed, when I can't do anything for my grandma.

(Yeah, I sometimes manage to coolly examine myself as I'm falling apart. It's the weirdest thing. Wish I could always do it.)

I'm not sure how to cope with what's happening to grandma. And I'm not sure if transferring my grief/frustration/etc. to other things is healthy.

Singing Demolition Derby

Recently I've gotten into the habit of listening to music while driving. Specifically, Hank Green's music. I didn't think anything much about this, until last week I suddenly realized one of the songs in the playlist: Demolition Derby.

I'm not sure if I should be concerned about the fact that I've been singing along with a song that's about drivers intentionally smashing their cars up. Especially since I'm singing it while driving down the road myself. I mean, shouldn't I be singing about safe driving, not about totaling cars?

Then again, a song about driving safely doesn't sound very exciting.

I've found two YouTubes of the song. If you only want to listen to one, I'd suggest the first since one because of the visuals.



...that being said, this second one is what's on the CD, and it's a much better recording.



Do you listen to music while driving? Audio books? Something else? Or do you drive in silence?