I had a peculiar dream. I was flying in it, which isn't exactly new. I've had flying dreams before, but this is probably the first one where I haven't had limitations...I could fly as high as I wanted, and as far as I wanted. And that was a wonderful feeling.
While flying I was also thinking about my name. About how I'm going by Raine now, and what my name(s) was (were) before. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it on this blog before, but Sarita never has been my legal name. So it wound up with two sets of people: those who knew my legal name, and those who knew my preferred name.
Those who knew my legal name were people like my health care providers, or people at my credit union. Or, anyone who only knew me through paperwork. Of course I had the option of requesting that they use my preferred name, but would it really get noted down? Would they remember it the next time they went in? They haven't always, and I often didn't bother correcting them simply because I didn't want to be always saying "No it's SARITA." So, my health care providers and others have always called me by a name that I didn't want.
I particularly found it odd when it was my mental health care people calling me by my legal name. Shouldn't they be making me as comfortable as possible, and calling me Sarita? But my psychiatrist was calling me by my legal name the second time I saw him, despite me saying that I prefer Sarita the first time we met, so I just let it go. Because, what was the point?
The confusion between names has even led me to make my signature is illegible. This was the result of an experience I had when I was about eighteen, when a cashier observed that my signature didn't match the name of my debit card but said that he didn't want an explanation. Confused, I explained the reason, and he was pretty relieved. I quickly found out that he'd thought I was using my mom's card, and if I confirmed that for him he would have to refuse that form of payment. Not wanting the same thing to happen with another cashier who wouldn't be so laid back and trusting about it, I decided to change my signature. It now resembles scribbles, which embarrasses me, but it's better than potentially confusing cashiers and being unable to pay for something.
But when my legal name becomes Raine, all that will be past. I'll know what name to give people. My signature can be decipherable without someone thinking I've borrowed my mom's card. And I won't have to be resigned to my doctors and others calling me a name that I don't want. And I was thinking about all this as I flew as high and as far as I wanted in that dream.
In other news, I'm experimenting with vlogging. My first video is as follows.