Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Cheerful Private Jake

In the game Dungeons and Dragons there is one very interesting guard known as Private Jake. When I first encountered him I found the conversation very amusing, and to this day I still find him quite entertaining. Or rather, I enjoy one of the several possible conversations...I can also just ask him where things/people are, or something equally boring. I don't even remember what now, it's so dull.

At first I was able to resist sharing his charms, but now I'm afraid that I've broken down and had to jot down the conversation to share here.

It should be noted that he guards the sewers, and looks exceedingly cheerful. You'd think he were out for drinks with his friends, or ogling ladies in low cut dresses, he looks so happy.

Private Jake: Good day, citizen!

Me: Why are you in such a good mood?

PJ: Why, I'm serving the city! What could make a man happier than doing a necessary job, and doing it well?

Me: You're knee deep in bodily waste -- besieged by kobolds and worse. This doesn't bother you?

PJ: Heavenly Host, no! There's a lot of history and beauty in these tunnels. I sleep well at night knowing that I'm helping keep Stormreach safe.

Me: Wow, I'm... inspired. Really. Keep up the good work.

There's an alternate way to end the exchange, involving a comment about his smell and him sleeping alone. But I figured I should pretend like I'm nicer than that.

The sewers

For some reason I didn't get a screen shot of Private Jake, but I did get this one in the sewers. Parts of it are slightly grand. No idea why. I'm sure Private Jake would be happy to explain it all to me, and would do so very enthusiastically.

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