Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Post of Various Topics

First of all, it wouldn't feel quite right to write a post today without acknowledging that it's Transgender Day of Visibility. I don't feel knowledgeable enough to write much more than that, but I did want to mention it.

And on another queer issue...

This is the last day in Bi Health Awareness Month, with this year's focus on mental health. I'd meant to write about that earlier, but...I guess it's a bit too close to home? I don't know why I haven't written about it, really. I haven't even read up on it as much as I've wanted to. But I did write about it a bit in the diary/sketchbook I started recently, and wanted to share:

"Rates of depression are high among queers, and for a while I dismissed that [in relation to me]. But now I wonder if denying that I'm bi for so long took a toll on me. I certainly know that encountering ignorant opinions of bisexuality can have hurt me enough to make me wish I were monosexual. It still hurts, even though at heart I'm happy to be bi.

"I like being bi because it means I was born into a community, it gives me a place I belong. But that's not all of it..."

Pages from the journal

I'm certainly not saying that I think I'm depressed because I'm bi, or that being in the closet for so long is solely responsible for putting me where I am now. But I suspect that attitudes towards bisexuals (one of which I once had..."it's not real!"), having been closeted to myself, and perhaps a natural inclination towards depression/anxiety on my part all play with each other in my head with unpleasant results. So I've been mulling it over, and thought that it worth sharing, particularly given the month.

This page in my journal is currently unfinished. I'll wind up drawing something pretty over what I've written, as I've done on many other pages. The whole journal is a work in progress, which much backtracking. I also didn't finish my thought on why I like being bi because I ran out of space, but really I'm not sure what else to say aside from that having a community is comforting, though I do know there's more to it than that. I might write more on that later in my journal, or I might not. Depends on whether I feel the need.

Oh yes, and the second page you see...there's simply the text "I want green growing things in my bedroom" with a hanging garden drawn in. It recently occurred to me that having greenery in my bedroom might make me happier. So I've been thinking about how to make that happen, what plants would thrive in my window and elsewhere...that turns out to be a cheerful project. :) Though it did keep me up the other night/day/whatever (my sleep schedule has been super messed up) when my brain wouldn't let go of the subject even when I desperately needed to sleep. Darn hyperfocusing brain. lol At least it was focusing on something pleasant this time.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Plus greenery in your bedroom will give off oxygen -- maybe that will help you sleep better too!

Sarita Rucker said...

I hadn't thought of that! :)