Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Bad Mood

Remember I mentioned possibly publishing some of what's been lurking in my draft folder? Here's another one I wrote but then didn't publish. I'm pretty sure that I kept it as a draft because it discusses occasional discomfort I have with my sexual orientation, which although I'm usually happy with being bi it can make my head space painful at times. Or I guess I should say, how our world responds to bisexuality can make my head hurt at times. Note to self: I need to remember when I'm hurting, the problem isn't me, the problem is other people. Important detail there.

"Bad Mood" doesn't seem to come close to covering how I felt when I wrote the following, but it's what I titled it so I figure I'll leave it as is. 
Due to the subject, I'll say it was difficult/awkward to write. Proof reading it multiple times tonight without finding anything to change, I'm still not sure I did a good job explaining myself in it, which maybe why I'm spending so long writing the introduction (is this an introduction? I guess it is) to the post. I guess I somehow also feel like I need to provide some sort of explanation/excuse for it, which rationally I know is unnecessary. 

This was dated November 9th, 2013.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Last evening I got into a really bad mood that I almost wrote a post about. For some reason I didn't, and I'm glad. Because even though I'm writing now about what angered and depressed me now, I don't want it to have been written from that place.

There were a few things contributing to how I felt. It may be best to break them down into separate sections, though they're all connected to bisexuality.

. . . . . . .

There is a blog post titled Dear Straight People, and you can click the link to read it. The writer says that even though not all straight people are bad, they shouldn't take offense when us bis say bad things about them in general out of anger and/or frustration. That it's perfectly ok for us to say such things because we're the hurting minority.

This is something that I cannot agree with, for reasons that I hope are obvious. And after reading it, I got rather upset that others actually think it's acceptable to say such things about straights. When I objected on Facebook where the link was posted, the author initially dismissed my objections (which was great for my mood, I'll tell you). Though he did later edit his comment to properly address what I said, which I guess is a good thing, even if I still disagree with him.

[Edit: If I were writing this today I'd probably say that the author of Dear Straight People is completely justified in feeling angry and frustrated, but I still can't agree with the idea that it's sometimes acceptable to say "I hate straights" even if you don't really mean it.]

. . . . . . .

In response to an article about research showing that bisexuals face discrimination (you can read it here), one fellow bisexual commented that this is the reason he doesn't date monosexuals.

I guess everyone is allowed to choose who they date. But it just reminds me of those I hear about on dating sites who say "no bis" in their profiles, who so many of my fellow bisexuals complain about.

. . . . . . .

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to read the comments on an article about the new bisexual Disney princess. (If you want to know who it is, Google is your friend.) (Or I can write a post about it, if that's requested.) [Edit: It was Mulan from Once Upon a Time. It's not a show I watch, but I wound up hearing/reading a bit about it.] Some of the comments were very unpleasant, and one person referred to her as a "lezzo."

I'm sorry, what part of "bisexual" did this person not get? The princess wasn't even called a lesbian anywhere in the article, so I'm going to have to assume this person thinks we don't exist. Which was great for my mood. Not.

. . . . . . .

"...LGBT people have to be a little bit better to prove themselves in society. While it sucks that in this case that the bisexuals might have to be a little bit 'better' or more understanding towards the lesbians, is it really a bad thing? Shouldn't everyone want to be better?"

This is something that was said that was said at the end of the YouTube video Bisexuals Respond To: "What Lesbians think about Bisexuals". I have mostly liked the person who made the video, but was astounded that she would actually say this. While I know we're often enough held to a higher standard, I was amazed and hurt that she'd seem to suggest that we shouldn't be upset by it. And even that it sounds like she almost thinks we should welcome it. After all, "Shouldn't everyone want to be better?"

. . . . . . .

Maybe I was just going to be depressed anyways last night and this morning, and these issues just happened to present themselves to me. Or in the case of the last one, I remembered it from when I saw the video maybe a couple months ago.

In any event, I found myself hating that I'm a minority, and halfheartedly wondering if I can turn straight.

I don't want to go back to that place of hurt again, where I was actually wanting to not be myself.

And if I do ever go to that place again, maybe I'll remember writing this post and remember that I worked my way out of that hurt before. And maybe that will help.

Next, just to cheer us all up after this depressing post, is a hilarious video on what lesbians think about penises. Because I need something entertaining after writing the above.

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