I sat down at my computer earlier today, intending to get my daily blog post written somewhat earlier than practically at the last minute. I wound up writing something a bit too personal, getting sidetracked talking through something else that's somewhat personal with a friend, and then kind of ignoring the blog until now.
For lack of anything better, I guess I'll do an abbreviated and slightly less detailed (and therefore with less sensitive details), plus mentioning what I was talking to the friend about. Apologies in advance if this is a slightly depressing post, hopefully it'll be more of an addressing problems and then problem solving one.
One problem is that I find at times that I'm not who/what I want to be.
This isn't such a major problem in some cases, such as where shyness or my depression/anxiety are concerned. Time and effort can change those. I'm already less why than I was as a teen, and I know I can find a way to get through depression/anxiety with help.
The major problem is when I want to change things that are fixed in my make up. Such as when I find myself wanting to be an extrovert when, fact is, I'm an introvert. I realize that I've also mentioned on this blog on two separate occasions that I'd prefer to not be bisexual at times. I'm pretty sure that the only solution here is to figure out why I want to change (as an example, I associate introversion with shyness even though I know those are two separate things) and then call bullshit on myself (I don't have to become an extrovert to be able to easily strike up conversations with people).
Then there's the issue that distracted me from writing this afternoon, which is appetite loss. That's a regular stress response for me, and it's something I've recently realized I'm having problems with. It's nowhere near as bad as it's been in the past, and I am eating two meals a day. Oddly enough I'm not losing weight, which may be because I'm drinking more water than I had been before. Oh and, I may be mistaking hunger for thirst, which isn't helping me. But I guess that, on the up side, I can be pretty sure that I'm not dehydrated.
To tackle the appetite problem, I've written out a food plan of when to eat a meal or a snack. Hopefully that'll help, and I've got someone who says she'll check in with me to make sure that I'm sticking to it.
So, homework to problem solve...
1) When I want to change something about myself, ask what the real issue is and go after that. For example, remember that it's not introversion that causes shyness.
2) Stick to the food plan.