Even though I didn't entirely expect her to be alive today, it was still painful to confirm it. Especially since I thought I saw her breathing a little, just before I touched her and realized she was cold.
In a way this is harder than Socks' death because I have so many questions. Questions about what I could have done differently for her, since I had still hoped she would recover. Yes, I knew I might have to make the decision to help her on her way, like we did with Socks. But there was still one more medication to try her on before making that decision. And we didn't even get to it.
Presumably it's the ear infection that got Beka in the end. Mom thinks there may have been something else going on, and I saw one or two symptoms that I thought might suggest that. Things I was going to talk to the vet about tomorrow. (Do you know how much fun it is to call the vet and say "Sorry, I have to cancel because Beka is dead"? It isn't very fun.) But I don't know if there was also something else in the picture. All I know is that an ear infection is all it takes with rats.
I took Beka to be cremated today. On the way I kept half expecting her to jump out of the box she was in, fully alive and healthy. I've no idea why. And I have no idea what I'll do with her ashes.
...and in this all I have to figure out what to do about Sabine, my surviving rat. Rats are very social critters, and they really need playmates. The obvious solution is to get another rat, but I'm not really in a position to do that. So I guess I'll have to give Sabine extra attention and hope it's enough.
|Beka, eating an acorn she stole off my altar|